Assalamu Alaikum!
I have been on a short hiatus from my website and from Instagram. But I feel like I am finally able to return after taking a break to find myself and gather my thoughts. I spent most of this time reflecting and weeding out toxic things from my life. Things that affected who I was as a person, my life, and most importantly my relationship with Allah SWT.
I had begun to feel like I was losing myself and I believe that over time that can become a common issue that stems from the power of social media. Social media is a dangerous virtual and fictional world. It gives people the power to control their lives through a lens and a keyboard. It gives us all the opportunity to control a perspective because with every post we are the ones who are controlling the narrative, what others see us, and how our lives are perceived.
Social media gives people a break from their lives and provides them with an alternative universe where they can escape and run from whatever troubles they are facing in their lives by projecting this image of perfection on their followers. Anyone can seem religious, pious, modest, successful, or beautiful through all of the filters.
We have witnessed the dangers of putting on a false persona for the 'gram by the outing of some very popular Muslim "influencers." It turns out there were a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing. A lot of these outings turned the Muslim community on Instagram upside down.
I have always had this feeling of wanting to be 100% authentic. As a student of Islamic sciences, I felt it would be entirely dishonest and wrong to share Islamic posts when I was also struggling with issues in my own life. From praying on time to struggling with niqab and even my identity as a Muslim woman.
I needed to step away and sort myself out before I could take on the responsibility of sharing knowledge. Because what I don't want to do is feel hypocritical in any way or stand with all my own ugliness and hide behind a beautifying filter.
So I took my much-needed break but lately I felt that I should break down that wall, have some transparency and share my own struggles with those who follow me or reach out for advice in hopes that my experiences would be beneficial to someone else. Even if I didn't want to air out my own dirty laundry I really asked myself why I would only be returning only after I got myself together. Would I still be contributing to this false narrative of perfection by doing so? Is that truly genuine? My answer was no, of course.
I am like everyone else- far, far from perfect and I would like to share some of those struggles here on my blog for those who might be struggling with the same thing and also an outlet, or reminder, for myself.
So this is my "I'm back" message and I plan on writing and elaborating more about a lot of the things that I went through and how I got through them or how I am still working on them. So stay tuned for the next blog and thank you for reading!
Salam,
Umm Yaseen
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