My Convert Story | Part 1 - A Sweetness of Iman

The Beginning...

I would like to say that my story started when I converted to Islam when I was 16 years old. Because at that particular time in my life I had struggled with my identity, and in finding my purpose in life and forming a connection with God. But I had questioned my faith from the time that I was a child.

I remember vividly one night staring out at the moon of the car window from the back seat. I was transfixed on the moon and the stars. It was such a clear and beautiful night, and the moon illuminated the poorly lit road. It was so bright that it reminded me of the massive stadium lights you would see at a Friday night football game. I was completely mesmerized. The magnificent, natural beauty of the sights that I was seeing made me question our existence. Then as I slowly slipped from my stupor I asked my father: "Daddy, what does heaven look like?" Which he answered: "I don't know. I haven't been there."

My memory of rebellion even goes as far back as a child at Sunday School. I thought it was absolutely absurd that the teacher was requesting that we color pictures of Jesus (PBUH) and I was a pretty bull-headed child, so I could not accept her theory that I had to ask forgiveness from Jesus (PBUH) in order to seek forgiveness from God. Which my refusals to partake, in good time, got me kicked out of the program for my lack of cooperation and from then on I had to join the adults during Sunday Mass. Which meant squirming around in a pew trying to prevent my thighs from sticking to the seat for an hour and a half each weekend.

Flash forward a few years. I am 12 or 13 years old. I had gone through many phases in my life and struggled with finding where I belonged. For much of my life, my biggest concern was trying to figure out my purpose in life and what my passion is. I wanted to make a statement, to leave something behind, to do something that would benefit and help others. I wanted to be successful at something. But what? What was it?

I thought maybe if I practiced my talents enough I could be an artist or maybe if I studied and took education seriously I could be academic. I wanted to be a historian, a fashion designer, an interior designer, an actress, an artist, a poet, a writer, or a teacher. The cliche dreams that every adolescent girl has.

But I still felt there was a much deeper issue. There was something missing that none of these dreams could fulfill, at that time I didn't know what it was.

I had come across a group called 'Jump5' when I was a preteen. I discovered they were a Christian based group, I loved the music and I became very influenced by it. It was different to see kids around my age be so in love with their religion and they marketed it in a way that made other teens interested in religion, too.

So I decided to take another look at Christianity. I picked up a Bible that I was gifted from my 10th birthday and began to read. But I deviated, again. My heart just could not make peace with it.

About 5 years later, I met my first Muslim friends. Although they never said anything about their religion, I was curious. Around that time tragedy struck our family- My grandma had passed away. I had been to many funerals and I have seen many distant relatives leave this earth. But this, this was the first time someone so close to me had passed. It was then that I decided to dive further into religion when I had a lot of questions surface that was triggered by her passing. Like what happens when we die? Where do we go?
Which led to deeper questions like why has the Bible been changed so much? Why are their so many deviations? And, how is Jesus (PBUH) somehow God, too?

I had so many questions and concerns. But very few answers and definitely not answers that my heart could make peace with. I started to do research on other religions. I looked into Judaism, Buddhism, and most deviations of Christianity. But after the lack of connection and turmoil of the heart, it was then that I decided to look into the religion of my friends, Islam.

The only experiences I had with Muslims or Islam in my life were my cousin's family. Her father was from Algeria and his family would come to visit us. His mother, my cousin's grandmother, used to pray beside our beds as infants. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps this all started with a duaa from her for us to be rightly guide to the path of Allah SWT, Allahu Alam.

The only other experience I have had been on September 11th. I was 10 years at the time that it happened. I remember watching Fox News and watching people in Afghanistan burning American flags and cheering in the street while we were mourning our losses. I was filled with rage and disgust that people like this existed. Every news and media outlet painted pictures of Arabs and Muslims. They were terrorists, backward, and evil. That's what we were told and that's what they wanted us to believe.

But after the mass hysteria died down I soon had forgotten those feelings and what I was hearing daily for a year. Almost like it had been deleted from my mind. I truly believe that Allah SWT is the purpose of that.

When I began my search I looked for the beliefs of Islam. I learned there were 5 pillars of Islam.

1. Shahadah (declaration of faith)- Establishing Iman (faith)

2. Salah (Prayer)- The 5 daily prayers. Prayers are a direct link between the worshipper and Allah SWT.

3. Zakat (Charity)- The financial obligation upon Muslims. There is a mandatory and voluntary charity. Charity is an important part of the belief system of Islam.

4. Sawm (Fasting)- Fasting the month of Ramadan. Muslims abstain from desires, practicing self-restraint, and purifying the soul.

5. Hajj (Pilgrimage)- The pilgrimage to Mecca is obligatory on all Muslims who are physically and financially able to do so.

There is also 6 articles of faith:

1. Belief in God- Belief in one God. Who has no son nor partner and none has the right to be worshipped but Him alone. In the Quran, God describes Himself:

Say, "He is God, the one. God, to Whom the creatures turn for their needs. He begets not, nor was He begotten, and there is none like him." (Quran 112:1-4)

2. Belief in His Angels- Muslims believe in the existence of the angels and that they are an honored creature. The angels worship God alone, obey Him and act on His command.

3. Belief in the books- True believers must believe in the Torah, the Bible, and the Quran. The Quran being the finalization of the messages of the Torah and the Bible. It's been untouched by man. All the books must be protected as they are the word of God.

4. Belief in the Prophets & the Messengers of God- Muslims believe in all the Prophets & Messengers of God. Starting with Adam, including Noah, Abraham, Ishmael, Issac, Jacob, Moses, and Jesus (PBUH them all). But God's final messages were revealed to Prophet Muhammad (SAW).

"Muhammad is not the father of any one of your men, but he is the Messenger of God and the last of the Prophets.."(Quran 33:40)

5. Belief in the day of judgment- The belief that the day will come when we are judge accordingly to our deeds on this earth. A day on which humans will be divided into their eternal destination of Paradise or Hell.

6. Belief in Al-Qadar- The supremacy of God's will. A belief that not only does God know all but ordains all.

When I read this I cried. When Allah SWT created us he created us with fitra (natural state) and a natural inclination to tawhid (Oneness). A state in which our souls were created and how it lived in Paradise before entering our human bodies. Our souls have a natural gravitational pull to Allah SWT and they were created to submit to the Creator. Hence the reason why many scholars say we are all born Muslim (literally meaning "the one who submits") it is only by our choices as human beings and the effects of the world that change that state, and we become misguided.

Subhanallah, Allah SWT protected my soul and guided it to the right path for all this time. I finally understood and for the first time, I felt peace in my heart. It was almost like the feeling when you finally make it home after a long journey. I finally found that connection to God. I believed in every single one of these articles and there were so many Islamic rulings that gave me the extra push to convert. But those topics are best left for a post of their own.

I researched intensively for the next 6 months. Every time a topic popped up in my head I wanted to know what the Islamic perspective of that issue would be. I remember staying up late until 4:00-5:00 AM just watching lectures, videos from other converts, and doing research. I couldn't get enough.

There was one video, in particular, that was the final nudge. It was a YouTube video of a former Pastor from Texas who was now an Islamic lecturer. He was talking about the shahadah (declaration of faith) and he said "Why wait? If you died tomorrow would you want to die as a Muslim?" And, I thought to myself "Yes. I would"

The very next day I contacted the local Mosque. I showed up with a letter asking to speak to someone about converting to Islam and was put in contact with another revert. After a discussion with her I decided I would like to take my shahadah. That very Friday I entered the Mosque and proceeded to the women's room. The room was packed. I didn't realize until very later it was pact because of the immense beauty and reward for witnessing a shahadah. I was one of the very first and few Muslims to take their shahadah in that tiny masjid, and the youngest.

I was so scared and nervous as I repeated after one of the brothers who performed my shahadah. Once I was finished I was embraced by all the beautiful sisters who attended that night. But there will be forever one memory that will be with me for the rest of my life. There was such a pious, kind woman who looked at her toddler daughter and said "She is your sister now." And, that first memory is what Islam is. That is how beautiful, peaceful, and loving my religion is. Alhamdulillah.

I say this is part 1 because the journey doesn't stop here. In the past 10 years of my conversion, I have faced trials and hardships that have helped shape me into the woman, and Muslim, that I am now. Eventually one day I will write about this. But today I leave you with this important chapter of my life.

Salaam Alaikum,
Umm Yaseen.

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